Jan 28, 2011

Living an Ordinary Relationship

Why do i have to live this ordinary relationship ? Ordinary Relationship ? Hmmm, is it precise  conclusion to my relationship with my fiancee ? It sounds like an ambiguous among a normal or common relationship and  'just a relationship'. In my case, i prefer the 1st version representing our relationship as i avoid the negative side effect from the 2nd version.

Yes, i'm living the ordinary relationship with my fiancee. It's only a common commitment going commonly as what common people living on. It's going naturally without too many expectations, just letting day by day flowing like water. It's boring sometimes and makes me wonder why do i have to live this ordinary relationship, as many times i'm questioning my self about the goal we are heading for. The successful of a relationship among two person determined by both side of person within. I don't mind at all to nurture what we have now, devote all my heart and soul for the man i loved. But again, i can not clap on one hand. I need  the same attitude vice versa. And i'm still questioning in that point.

I don't really wish to have a relation only for security and dependency as a proof to world that i'm not alone. Nope, that will only stimulating both side to an unhealthy relationship. I need what we feel as an honest emotion to share and motivating us to be cooperative to each other in developing one perspective to reach the same goal. But sometimes, it's too much too ask.

Time is passing us by, and i hope time will provide sustainability for us to evolving this feeling fonder. But the fact is, time we are passing through is only about occupying each other feeling devoid of any enhances. It's seems to be a habitual pattern we keep on living, baffling me sometimes. Often i try to make justification to  evading my self from being devastated. Maybe the distance cause us unsuccessful to converse to one another feeling. The distance between Indonesia-Malaysia, create a lack of communication.

If proximity is the main reason for people to congregate, obviously we will never be sufficient  to each other.  But if we can resuscitate on the communication technology to bridge over the distance, would the proximity be the major issue ? I don't think so. Or if social status between us is the iceberg to break, why don't we use our chisel to break it ? Unfortunately, i dwell this fact of life, not the 'if' of life. And the fact i'm living in, there's something morbid among us that we still don't know how to solve and make it normal. Or might be i'm only demanding more than what i deserve.

I'm not flawless to him, and he's not flawless to me either. No matter how flawless we are to each other, i found a gem in him. And i'm still here, nurturing what God has bestowed over me. Til the day the gem has to drift away from my hand, or it will be the only mine. Only time will tell.

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