Jan 18, 2011

Dream, Disappointment, and Another New Dream

When i was a little girl, i used to dream to be a Cinderella. The fairy tales i red, automatically created a tiny world of my own. The untouchable world of mine. I was the queen in my own little kingdom. I was the conqueror in my dream palace.

My childhood was not a better place to grew. It's an exaggeration if i describe it was an overwhelmed. No, it wasn't. I just sometimes hope if i was in a better place. So, dreamt of a Cinderella was a renegade of the reality that the little me can't bear. Dream was like a crutch sustain my feet stand when it paralyze. It wasn't easy for the gullible little me to perceive the fact of this is the real world, the cruel world.

By the time passing me by, the dreams fade away as my eyes and heart realize it's unattainable. Then comes my turn to face the reality, disappointment by disappointment stopping me by to leave the bruises in my heart. But whose to blame ? I develop a dream that's almost impossible to  seize. Broken heart that caused by disappointment is inevitable as i made my self the seed of that pain by building an unattainable dreams. I strive to overcome the pain and not letting my self lurk behind disappointments that will only halt me from keep going the life. I have to force my self to compromise the fact of jilted world that reluctantly revolving around me.

I often questioning why do i have to always disappointed. What did i done wrong ? Then i console my self maybe there are the underlying reason of occurrence. I grew up amongst disappointments, and without i notice it rouse up a self defense to salvage from the pain. At least, that self defense can kindle up my spirit to not subdue to misery and find my own private equanimity.

Everyone says, people has to dream. At least, dream can be a goal to pursue. I'm recently too afraid to confide in dreams, too scare of facing another disappointment. But, until when should i dwell this fear ??? As long as dream still free to have, nothing to lose to have one. What i need is refurbish my perspective of dream and turn it to the tool to equip me seizing the merit goal of life, and not making dreams as a comfort shoulder to confide all my life.

Dream has brought me a lot of disappointments. But disappointments has brought me to the present me. And the present me is more realistic now to have a dream in a different perspective.

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